The Differences Between Gay and Straight People

I've been fighting for gay rights for about 5 years now, and believed in equality for about 8 or so.   In that time, I've learned quite a bit about gay culture, and gay people in general.  As such, I felt the need to compile a complete list of differences between gay and straight people.

Differences

End of list.

There was a video a short while back where a young man decided to explain why living with gay room mates was so cool.  In fact, I'll dig it up here.



Here we have a young man who felt the need to set the record straight on how it's wonderful to live with gay people.   It starts out by him explaining that he used to be apprehensive about gay people, but since immersing himself in gay culture, he found them to be beautiful.  For example, one of them decorates, and they don't get jealous when he's talking to one of their girlfriends.    They have a good thing going.

The thing is, everything he explains are human qualities that really have nothing to do with being gay.   Some people are decorators and make good nesters.  Male or female, gay or straight, it's an attribute that some people have.    Jealousy or being territorial is a human trait as well that some people possess.   They must respect him if they aren't stopping him from talking to their lady friends, because gay people are still protective of their friends.  He doesn't care that they are gay.  As well he shouldn't.   The fact of the matter is that he has good room mates, and good for him.

Although he generalized a gay stereotype, and went with it, he's not far off.   Gay culture is a wee bit different from straight culture, but that's to be expected.   Hunters and golfers have different cultures too, but nobody really cares.   The culture shock is exciting, and he can see the beauty and wonder in it.   Although he doesn't seem to have seen it yet, the interesting thing about gay culture is that it's made up of gay people, and people are people.   Just regular people.  The culture itself has it's own uniqueness, but the people.  The people are the same.

Everyone just tends to get hung up on the perceived differences of gay people.  Men that are fancy decorators that dress well with a feminine vibe must be gay.   Straight men of this persona are called metrosexual.   The media hypes this persona because a flamboyant gay guy gets ratings.  It's funny to watch, and is basically a modern day freak show.  But the media is calming down now, and presenting gay men as much more normal which is nice.   The interesting thing is that gay men are normal.  You pass them every day on the street, and you can't tell.   They are doctors, lawyers, mechanics, vendors, masculine, feminine, tall short, happy, sad, and every other normality.

Sometimes gay people dress up, and act a little more feminine than normal when going out.  Sometimes straight men dress up nice, and act a little more masculine when going out.   Sometimes gay men dress up nice, and act a little more masculine when going out.   To be honest, very few straight men dress up and act feminine as that's not culturally accepted, and considered to be weak.  But the point is that we purport the persona that we want people to see and associate with us.   Gay people are no different.

BUT BUT BUT, Gay men like dudes, and straight men like women!  That's a difference.  Right?   Nope.   So if gay men are normal in every respect, than we must focus strictly on sexuality to prove they are different, right?  Because we have to make them different.   But why do we have to make them different?  So we can categorize them in our minds as something other than us?   Sexuality doesn't make them different either.   Why not?   Two straight men still have a different sexuality.  We all have a different sexuality, and prefer different things, different types, different acts, different temperatures, different everything regarding sex.   So one man could like blondes, and prefer romance while another prefers brunettes and exciting fun.

Line 20 men up in a row, and they will all have different preferences.   Two men that love football, guns, John Grisham novels, marshal arts, and chess might have so much to talk about while one is straight and the other is gay.   So is that really a difference?   Even gay men have different types.   Some prefer blondes while others prefer brunettes.  Some prefer romance while others prefer fun.  Some prefer smooth and beautiful young men while others prefer the big hairy beast.    Some prefer masculine while others prefer feminine.    Gay men's sexual preferences are far and wide.   It's just easier to label them as gay, and therefore different.  A nice neat stereotype to put categorically on a shelf with precision.   But that would be wrong.

Lesbians are the same.  Some are masculine, and some are feminine.  Same with straight women.   In fact, just about everything I just said about gay men can be attributed to lesbians.   The only difference between gay men and lesbians are the fact that gay men are men, and lesbians are women.  Men are from mars, and women are from Venus. But there is really very little difference between lesbians and straight women just like gay men.

There are however some differences which are purely cultural.  By cultural, I mean our whole culture in which we make them different by categorizing gay people as different.   For example, lesbian women have more orgasms than straight women.   Why?   Lesbians have to fight for what they want and need, and therefore, they tend to get it.   Straight women seem to settle quite a bit more which seems to have an adverse affect in the sheets.   Just a quirk I've noticed.

Another cultural difference is that gay people are wonderful and accepting people.   The social ones most certainly are because of societal pressure, they've turned into diamonds.   We as a society created these types of gay people, and they truly are wonderful.   It's interesting to hear people talk about them after hanging out with gay people all night if they've never had the pleasure.   You see, when people are shunned, hurt, discarded, and spit on, there are those that do not want anyone to go through that horror.   So they try and make it so nobody ever feels that way out of compassion and empathy.    Make no mistake though, the gay population also has some very bitter people as well.   They're kind of  like truck drivers, or cops in that they are either really nice, or quite a grumpy asshole.    And of course, they vary between the spectrum as well.

We created these differences by segregating gay people, so those are entirely cultural.  You can see similarities in other people who have gone through the same types of things.

As for actual differences.   There really are none, and the sooner gay people integrate back into mainstream society as fully accepted members with respect, the better.  That time is not far off, and this new generation makes me smile.   With the explosion of the paradigm shift of the internet, our young people are more accepting of different races, creeds, and sexualities.   Racism, and homophobia are dying, and nothing can stop that, no matter how hard people keep trying.   Bigots are a dying breed.

What about transgender, androsexual, cisgender, bigender, cross dressers, FTM/MTF, genderless, intersex, hermaphrodite, hypersex, asexual, pansexual, skoliosexual, third gender, or transsexual people?   (If I left you out, I apologize.)

Well if gay people aren't different, than obviously these people are, right?   Nope.   The fact is, we're all different, and because of that, we're all the same.   We all laugh, love, and cry.  We all have hobbies whether they be reading, hiking, driving, swimming, or animals.    We all have to obtain money for a living, and most of us work to fulfill that part of our lives.   We all go to the grocery store for food, and we all shop everywhere else as well.    We all struggle to have our own unique identity, and stay true to it.   We all like different types of music, and not some others.   And of course we all have different sexual identities and sexual preferences.

We're all Human, and hugs are better than hurts.

Women do not have "The" Power

Specifically regarding dating, or being the gate keepers of sex.  I heard today, and have heard a million times before that women are the ones with "the" power because they have the final say.  They make the decision, and are in charge.   I'm not going to be misogynistic here, but quite the opposite.  I am however, going to analyze the crap out of this statement.

The first thing to note here is that it's black and white.  False Dichotomy's are ever so dangerous, and whenever you hear one you agree with, that's when you need to pull out your critical thinking skills.   The second thing to note is that this is not a gender biased statement.  So for the purposes of being politically correct, I'm going to discuss this as the pursuer, and the pursued.  Men are not always the pursuers, and women are not always the pursued.

So who has "the" power?   I would say both.   The pursued most certainly have a lot of power when it comes to making the decision.   This can not be denied.  They have the power to say yes or no.   To say that the pursued have "the" power means that they have all the power which completely negates or disregards the power of the pursuer.   Any pursued that naively believe the power solely relies with them will be the ones that find themselves in a situation with their back against the wall.

A man made a comment the other day trying to console a young woman who was feeling the pressure of being hit on by a co-worker.  Paraphrasing, he said 'to not worry about it, and just enjoy being complimented and flirted with, because after all, she was the one in control.'  She felt uncomfortable with the compliments and flirts, and he was telling her to be comfortable with it, and be satisfied because she was in control.   The first part of this statement really pissed off a few local feminists, but the latter was mostly ignored by them.   She is the one in control, or has "the" power.  If that's true, why did he say to just let it slide?  Another comment made supporting the latter when I asked when I asked "Out of curiosity, why do women get to be in charge?  Why do men?  Why not come up with a mutually beneficial arrangement, make a deal, and act?"  An insightful woman said this:

"Ah, there it is.  I wondered when someone would throw out the "why are women in charge" bit.  ...  "In a nutshell, it's society.  In a society where men pursue women, a woman is in charge of the outcome of said pursuance.  That does not mean that women control everything, nor does it mean that every situation falls into this.  If the woman is pursuing the man, which many women do very often, the man will have control of the outcome.  But when we're talking about sex... heterosexual sex...  yes the man must be consensual, but the woman will end up in control based on anatomy."

So the man said she was in charge because she makes the decision, and that is backed up by a woman.  Both mean well, and parrot the same timeless doctrine.  That the pursued is in charge.  Yet, she was asked to let her pursuer be in charge, (By just enjoying the compliments and flirts, and doing nothing), and to be OK with it because she was the one in charge.  If ever there was a brain teaser, this one is it.

So let's talk about the power of the Pursuer?   The pursuer has most of the work, and the ability to set the stage.  The pursuer can influence events, influence people to help, and do much more.   Why?  Because a pursuer is a salesperson making a sale, and all the laws of sales apply.   This isn't necessarily a bad thing.  A great date includes getting more people involved to solely focus on the date.  The pursuer has to make a case to show the pursued that they are worth taking a chance on.   However, just like business and sales, if things are done unethically, it can get hairy.

Most pursuers will respect the pursued, and play fair.  "Hi, this is me, and this what I'm about, are you interested?" can sum up about 3 or 4 hang outs with the pursued when the pursuer is being honest and forthright.   For that matter, most flirting is harmless fun.

When the pursuers are not being honest, it can be quite interesting.  Sadly, these tactics work.  Dishonesty includes making promises that one never intends to keep.  Presenting themselves in a false light.  Trash talking, or spreading rumors about rivals to limit the choices of the pursued.   Giving the pursued "the choice".  Yes, the pursued has the power to make the choice, but when the pursuer presents the choice in such a way that the pursued can only choose in a manner the pursuer has approved.   For example, "So when do you want to go out, Friday or Saturday?"  Yes, the pursued sure has a choice there, but "no" is not mentioned as an option.   To go beyond that, let's say the pursuer destroys relationships with the pursued, and then presents him/herself as the only option if he/she does not want to be alone.   Or even worse, gives him/her the option between him/herself and someone else of a much lesser social status.   So far, just unethical manipulation, and I haven't even made it to blackmail or threats.  Unethical manipulation is usually chalked up as harassment and stalking.  But, it's not always easy to see, especially for the pursued.

Whenever anyone avoids a relationship with anyone who uses the previous paragraph's tactics, it's known as "dodging a bullet."   Sadly, when someone gets into a relationship with someone who uses these tactics, they usually get used and abused.  And most likely eventually discarded.   Manipulation like this exists, and here's the kicker.

By claiming that the pursued have "the power" or are the ones "in control", that is just another sales tactic designed to give a false sense of security.  It's a slight of hand, or a classic misdirection designed to disregard the influence of the pursued.   Or in other words, it's saying "No need to pay attention to how they are pursuing you, or what tactics they are using.  If you're not interested, you can just say no because you have all the power."     The last sentence is still true with regards to decision making, even if the pursued pays attention to how he/she is being pursued, but it's used as an excuse to not pay attention.   Assuming the pursuer has no power is quite the wrong assumption.

A boss or supervisor makes decisions based on their advisers, or employees, and budding relationships are no different.  In this case, the pursued takes advice from friends and family, but most importantly, the pursuer.   Then a decision is made.

How-to Guide to Be a Skeptic #2 (Read this one first please)

After writing the How-to Guide to Be a Skeptic, I realized something.  It's a horrible guide on how to be a Skeptic, but a pretty wonderful article on being a Skeptic if I do say so myself.  So I've decided to write a more goal oriented piece that's easier to digest with more structure.  That said, here we go.

As disclaimer, I will pilfer parts of the original as it was intended to be a how-to guide.

Why would you want to be a Skeptic?   

Skepticism is a structured way of thinking that will allow you to prioritize, and organize the information you take in for easier utilization.   The most common way of thinking is that if it sounds good, it is good.   That's not good.   Critical thinking helps filter the bad or wrong information that's available to you so that you can focus on what's right and true.

The main reason that skeptics have a bad rap is because liars, con artists, and other smooth talkers want people to buy their bill of goods without question.  Skeptics get in the way of that, so they are demonized and vilified.  It's also easy to accept these bad arguments because Skeptics can be frustrating to try and convince.  However, Skeptics do a great service by keeping people that would scam you in check.   Here are a few examples of philanthropic skeptic organizations.   Charity Navigator verifies the legitimacy of charitable organizations so that you know you're donating to a good cause.  Most charities are scams, and organizations like these protect you.   Another is Snopes that works hard to debunk and call to light internet rumors that are not true.   Politifact works diligently to dispell any falsehoods when it comes to politics.  As you can see, skepticism is very valuable, and ultimately works to your advantage.

Therefore, the very reason to be a Skeptic is to help yourself, and others.  It's not about tearing anything down, but examining all new information under the light of critical thinking.   If this new information can not withstand scrutiny, than it can and should be thrown out.   After all, you would research an investment offer, would you not?   So why not a news story, or Aunt Jamilla's claim to fame?  

There are two ways to be a Skeptic.  The first is to just learn the way, and put it to work when you like.  For example, a skeptical outlook would be to:

1.  Observe something either by hearing or seeing.
2.  Examine what you've observed and form a theory.
3.  Research, and/or test said theory.
4.  Come to a conclusion based on the results.

So now you know how to be a general Skeptic, but it's not a natural way of thinking.  You can call this process up whenever you need it, but it's not how your mind generally works.  That leaves us with the second way to become a Skeptic.  The hard way in which you can train your mind to automatically be skeptical.   To do this, it can take quite a while with consistency, and you just need 10 minutes per day.

STEP 1

The first thing a good skeptic needs is humility, and to understand that he/she is not perfect.   Faulty personal perception can greatly inhibit a person's ability to find the truth, so before you even entertain the idea of examining someone else's position, you need to be prepared.   Here are some ways of thinking that you need to watch out for in order to keep your own mind in check.

They are called Cognitive Distortions.

We all make these mistakes, and the best way to avoid them is to be aware of them.   Memorize, and try to catch yourself whenever you make these mistakes in your thinking.   This can take a month or two.   The best way is to keep a journal on you; a little notepad of sorts, and write down whenever you have an unsubstantiated thought.   "My co-workers were a little standoffish, and my immediate thought was that they were displeased with me.   Maybe I'm not working hard enough, or maybe I'm working too hard.  Maybe I made a mistake.   All fallacious as I am jumping to conclusions.  Perhaps they were just busy.  There is no conclusive evidence that anything is wrong."   Writing down each faulty thought and analyzing it will help you to focus your thoughts in positive and constructive ways.

This is just one exercise in Cognitve Behavioral Therapy which has many health benefits including, but not limited to, a drastic improvement in depression.   We're simply utilizing it for balance before critiquing someone else's work.

STEP 2

So now, are you ready to examine and critique another person's viewpoint or claim?   Not quite.   Most people skip the last section on self evaluation, and go straight to the next part which are fallacies.   They completely dismiss their own faults, and try to find faults in other people.   So once you have the cognitive distortions nailed down, you need to keep your own fallacies in check, and be able to recognize the fallacious arguments given by others.

This list is very large, and will take quite a bit of time to study.   I would recommend studying one fallacy per day, and finding at least 10 examples of it.   Then do the list 3 times.  This will take many months at 10 minutes per day, but that's OK.  It's called self betterment.  It can go more quickly if you study two or three fallacies per day, but no more than three, otherwise you'll burn out.  You can find 10 examples in 10 minutes, but your mind can wander off by taking on more.   So the first set takes 10 minutes, and the third set takes 20 minutes to find your 10 examples.  I recommend one at a time.  Quality and consistency over quantity and speed.

List of fallacies

STEP 3

CONGRATULATIONS!!  Now you are ready to critique other people.  You've examined yourself, and gotten familiar with fallacies.   So now all you need is a method of Skepticism to put your hard work to use.   There are a few different types of critical thinking, and feel free to go it your own way, but I prefer the Scientific Method.  It works for everything including debates, sales pitches, politics, shopping, personal arguments, relationships, and so much more.   So long as you can utilize it correctly.

SCIENTIFIC METHOD

Reiterated; This works with just about everything, especially skepticism.   If anything doesn't pass this sort of scrutiny, than it's not worth adopting.   Let's examine a vacuum cleaner salesman's pitch, shall we?

Frank comes to your door, and offers to shampoo, and clean the carpets in one room completely free of charge.  All he asks is that he can show you the product while he's doing it.  Fair deal right?  You're under no obligation, so you agree, and set a date.   Frank comes back with the Super Sucker 4000 (Thank You Jeff Daniels for the inspiration by making your movie Super Sucker.  I've honestly never seen it, but I'll buy it just because I pilfered the name.), and it's an awesome vacuum, or so Frank says.   Frank gives his spiel, and it's only $2,000 dollars.   Pretty Spendy, and is it worth it?

Well, let's scrutinize.

• Is this vacuum worth $2,000?
• Studying, there are various types of vacuums out there from $60 to $3,000.   The mechanics are pretty much the same on most, and some are made more cheaply than others.   Customer reviews are an immense help.  
• I already have a vacuum that works just fine, and not only do not need to spend money, but I believe that $2,000 for this particular vacuum is a complete rip off after researching.   (You can obviously end here after the hypothesis for this particular example, but for the sake of the example we will continue to the bitter end.)
• You're skeptical, and you relay your concerns to Frank who just brushes them aside.   So you challenge him to a vacuum off with several other different types of vacuums.   May the best vacuum win.  
• Worked like a charm.  Come to find out, this mega super duper vacuum is just a plain old vacuum, and one that cost $250 (Which is fairly expensive for a vacuum) completely decimated Frank's vacuum, and even looks to be built better.)   
• Now we put together all the data for the experiment, and present it to all the participants.  Sorry Frank, you came in 4th.   
• It's all for naught as you already have a great vacuum, but you've decided which one you're buying when that breaks down.   

And there we have it.  Skepticism at work.  You just stopped yourself from getting screwed for $2,000.

Just like with the Cognitive Distortions, and the Fallacies, you need to practice this method as well.   Not by having an argument on facebook, even going all out with a public debate, but with every day mundane things.   Which cable do you buy?   Should you eat that?   Is your particular exercise working?   Who is that hottie next door?   Should I buy this vacuum?   Make a chart, and map each thing you try, and try to do at least 5 per day.   This will train your mind to work like a Skeptic, and pretty soon, critical thinking will come naturally.

STEP 4

There are things to keep in mind while being a skeptic.  The first are compassion and empathy.   Anyone you critique honestly believes their way is the best way, and respecting that will go a long way.  If they are wrong, leaving them unchecked is not respect, but supporting their ignorance.   But you can present your findings in a way that shows respect.  However, they could be right, so we can't discount anything until scrutinized.

 I personally prefer the Feedback Model that most businesses use.

Admire Accomplishments, and give credit where credit is due.  Compliment them on where their presentation is good, and acknowledge the positivism of what they are doing.  Offer your criticism, and lastly your altered presentation.

Yes, I cut a few things out of the feedback model for being a skeptic.  The more respect you have from the person you're critiquing, the more input you will have from them.   An argument on the internet should follow the previous paragraph, but critiquing your nephew on his plan to get involved in a pyramid scheme will have a lot more input, and you can use one of the Feedback Models on their website much more effectively as he will contribute a lot more.

Conclusion

You are a strong person, so please don't let anyone pull the wool over your eyes, and don't let your friends get taken advantage of.   You have the tools available to you, and you can be a wonderful person in employing these various tactics.   You don't have to be a staunch, dismissive jerk to be strong.   That's not really being strong either, it's merely protecting yourself with ignorance.

Instead, be a skeptic.

SCHEDULE

Week1 CD:

Mon- Study Cognitive Distortions for 10 minutes, and think of an example when you thought this.
Tue- Write down whenever you think of a Cognitive Distortion throughout the day.
Wed- Study Cognitive Distortions for 10 minutes, and think of an example when you thought this.
Thu- Write down whenever you think of a Cognitive Distortion throughout the day.
Fri-Study Cognitive Distortions for 10 minutes, and think of an example when you thought this.
Sat- OFF
Sun-OFF  (Days off can of course coincide with days off of work or school.  This is your project.)

Week2 CD:

Mon- Study Cognitive Distortions for 10 minutes, and think of an example when you thought this.
Tue- Write down, and analyze each Cognitive Distortion.
Wed- Study Cognitive Distortions for 10 minutes, and think of an example when you thought this.
Thu- Write down, and analyze each Cognitive Distortion.
Fri-  Write down, and analyze each Cognitive Distortion.
Sat- OFF
Sun-OFF  (Days off can of course coincide with days off of work or school.  This is your project.)

Week3 CD:  Repeat Week 1
Week4 CD:  Repeat Week 2

Weekly schedule for Fallacies:

Mon- Study a Fallacy, and find 10 examples of it throughout the day.
Tue- Study a Fallacy, and find 10 examples of it throughout the day.
Wed- Study a Fallacy, and find 10 examples of it throughout the day.
Thu- Study a Fallacy, and find 10 examples of it throughout the day.
Fri-  Study a Fallacy, and find 10 examples of it throughout the day.
Sat- OFF
Sun-OFF  (Days off can of course coincide with days off of work or school.  This is your project.)

Finish the list 3 times, and you should have it down.

Weekly Schedule for Skepticism:

Mon- Critique and analyze 3 simple questions you ask yourself throughout the day.
Tue- Critique and analyze 3 simple questions you ask yourself throughout the day.
Wed- Critique and analyze 3 simple questions you ask yourself throughout the day.  
Thu- Critique and analyze 3 simple questions you ask yourself throughout the day.
Fri-  Critique and analyze 3 simple questions you ask yourself throughout the day.   .
Sat- OFF
Sun-OFF  (Days off can of course coincide with days off of work or school.  This is your project.)

Should I eat this salad?  Should I turn left or right?  Should I stop at the gas station for a snack?

This should be done for at least 6 weeks.

Weekly Schedule for Feedback:

Mon- Critique and analyze 3 statements given by other people, and give constructive feedback.
Tue- Review Monday's 3 statements given by other people, and analyze your constructive feedback.  
Wed- Critique and analyze 3 statements given by other people, and give constructive feedback. 
Thu- Review Wednesday's 3 statements given by other people, and analyze your constructive feedback.
Fri-  Critique and analyze 3 statements given by other people, and give constructive feedback.
Sat- OFF
Sun-OFF  (Days off can of course coincide with days off of work or school.  This is your project.)

This should be done for about 3-6 weeks.

After you teach yourself how to be a Skeptic via the above method, you will have completely changed the way your mind processes information.   Side effects may include, loss of depression, ease of thought, quicker wit, and more smiles.   

How-to Guide to be a Skeptic

Being a true skeptic is pretty difficult, and I see people making a great many mistakes in it.  So here's a how-to guide on getting to the truth.   It's not just about checking sources, recognizing fallacies, laying the burden of proof on the correct party, and believing when verified.  Those are a big part of being a skeptic, but by far from a complete list.

I guess we should first discuss what a skeptic actually is.  Many have the misconception that a skeptic is merely an asshole that just won't listen to reason.  That's pretty hilarious, because a skeptic is asking for exactly that; reason.   A true skeptic merely wants proof of claims in order to believe, and it's not an unreasonable request.   If you want me to believe something, than please, by all means, give me a viable reason.  It's a way of thinking that categorizes information in a logical and strategic way.

The main reason that skeptics have a bad rap is because liars, con artists, and other smooth talkers want people to buy their bill of goods without question.  Skeptics get in the way of that, so they are demonized and vilified.  In essence, skeptics do a great service by keeping people like this in check.   Here are a few examples of philanthropic skeptic organizations.   Charity Navigator verifies the legitimacy of charitable organizations so that you know you're donating to a good cause.  Most charities are scams, and organizations like these protect you.   Another is Snopes that works hard to debunk and call to light internet rumors that are not true.   Politifact works diligently to dispell any falsehoods when it comes to politics.  As you can see, skepticism is very valuable, and ultimately works to your advantage.

What skepticism is not, is calling bullshit on everything that disagrees with your pallet.  Skepticism is not pessimism, or predicting the negative.   Skepticism is not being an asshole.  Skepticism is not assuming someone is wrong until they prove it.   These are common mistakes that many would be skeptics make.   So let's get started.

The first thing a good skeptic needs is humility, and to understand that he/she is not perfect.   Faulty personal perception can greatly inhibit a person's ability to find the truth, so before you even entertain the idea of examining someone else's position, you need to be prepared.   Here are some ways of thinking that you need to watch out for in order to keep your own mind in check.  They are called Cognitive Distortions, and I'm going to give two examples of each one with skepticism and dating.  Everyone is a skeptic when it comes to dating, so it will be easy to relate.

1.  All or Nothing / Black and White:  Very few things in this world are one or the other.   Completely right, and completely wrong are most always sought in every argument, but very rarely is everything so one sided.

With relation to being a skeptic, this usually gets in the way when completely dismissing an entire subject because one or two of the opposing supportive statements are wrong, disagreeable, or unproven.   The correct course of action there would be prove the supporting statements wrong, and ask the opposition to remove them from the argument.   If the argument fails, than it fails.  But it might still have value.

With relation to dating, this usually occurs when you dismiss someone simply for 1 or 2 red flags.   He/She is not right for me because of X, or Y.   'He/She talked over me last night a few times, so obviously he/she's a control freak, and I better run for the hills.'   Or the reverse.  'He/She likes the same band as me, so we're obviously meant to be.   It must be true love.' 

2.  Overgeneralization / Labeling and Mislabeling:  Nothing is more devastating to skepticism and critical thinking than making hasty generalizations with insufficient evidence.

With relation to being a skeptic, this usually happens when the point of view being presented is dismissed for the wrong reasons.   For example, a liberal skeptic is much more inclined to completely dismiss a conservative argument merely because it's conservative.   Or a conservative dismisses the liberal argument for the same reasons.   'After all, they are usually wrong, so they are probably wrong about this.'   That's not critical examination.

With relation to dating:   You stereotype your prospective date without knowing anything about them.  'He's a jock, and most likely just wants to get down my pants.'   'She's a barbie girl; hot but probably no brains'.  // Little does she know that Mr. Jock is a gentleman with a passionate heart, and Ms. Barbie quick to the quip, and has a 4.0.  

Overgeneralizing is finding a reason to dismiss the claim without actually finding a viable reason.  It's just making stuff up without sufficient evidence to back it up.

3.  Filtering/Disqualifying the Positive:  Focusing on everything you disagree with, and discounting the rest.

With relation to being a skeptic, this does nothing to find the truth.  Every point needs evaluation.  Seriously, please don't cut corners.

With relation to dating, a person either completely overlooks any faults on the other person, or only focuses on the faults.  "This person is wrong for this reason, this reason, this, and this."   Yep, he/she's gone.  I'm sure he/she had some positive attributes, but they aren't being weighed.   Just an instant throw away.

4.  Jumping to Conclusions / Mind Reading / Fortune Telling:  Making predictions without substantial evidence.

This happens way too much with having a debate.  Predicting what will happen if the opponents view ever came to fruition without evidence usually ends up with a slippery slope fallacy.  It also happens when you tell someone else what they are thinking, and then telling them they are wrong.

With relation to dating, assuming it will end badly, so not even giving it a try.  'Well, it's probably going to fail anyway.'  Or, 'I'm going to move someday, so getting involved is a bad idea'.   Then there is assuming what the other person is thinking, and acting on that without even discussion.   I'm sure you can see the problematics with this way of thinking in relation to dating.

5.  Magnification or Minimization:  Giving greater weight or too little weight to any particular argument.

With relation to being a skeptic, it can be challenging to give the correct portion of value to any given statement or claim, but please be diligent in trying.  Salesmen do this a lot when saying that their product is the best ever, and they maximize the crap out of little features.   "Look, this little do-hickey turns 30 degrees like this.  It'll cure your cancer."   You don't want to be an unethical salesman, do you?

With relation to dating, this way of thinking destroys relationships.   He/she checked someone out, and then jealousy rages.   Or with minimization, someone cheats, but it's explained away, and then festers.

6.  Emotional Reasoning:  Declaring something to be true because you feel a particular way.

With relation to skepticism, just because you disdain something doesn't make it false.   Or because something makes you happy, doesn't make it true.   Being objective takes a little practice, but if you can realize how your feelings are affecting the argument, than you can adjust for equilibrium.  I love cake, therefore it must be good for you.  That's an extreme example with an obvious flaw, but makes the point.  A little more subtle; I'm scared of being mugged, and therefore going outside at night is dangerous.   Statistically, the odds of a person getting mugged is the exact same whether or not they are afraid.  Those odds are pretty low, but you can take steps to protect yourself, and make yourself a harder target.

With relation to dating, a lot of things are overlooked simply because of emotional reasoning.  'I feel that I am unattractive so he/she probably thinks I'm unattractive too.'  

7.  Should Statements:  Declaring what should happen before weighing all the options, or considering another person's point of view.

With relation to skepticism, it's obviously an instant dismissal without evaluation.  The complete opposite of skepticism.

With relation to dating, if you make all the plans without considering the other person's point of view, you're going to have a bad time.

8.  Personalization:  Making it about you.

Being a skeptic while assuming someone is doing what they are doing specifically to cater to or defy you will influence you in a bad way.   Your brother wants to get a drum set, and you automatically think it's specifically to annoy the crap out of you.   Maybe he just likes percussion, and hears rhythm wherever he goes.

With dating, being self absorbed will get you single really fast.   Or assuming negative things about yourself because of the actions of your partner.   'He/she suggested the Salad Palace, so he/she must think I need to lose weight.'   Maybe he/she just likes a good salad.

9.  Blaming:  Making it about them.   The opposite of personalization.

If you are trying to be a skeptic, but assume the other person has their view out of narcissism is just another excuse to dismiss.  Just like it's not all about you, it's not always about them either.

With relation to dating, assuming the other person is responsible for all the problems causes a pretty huge disconnect.

End of List

These are all examples of Cognitive Distortions, and doing your best to avoid these ways of thinking will prevent you from being fallacious.  We all make these mistakes, and the best way to avoid them is to be aware of them.   Memorize, and try to catch yourself whenever you make these mistakes in your thinking.   This can take a month or two.   The best way is to keep a journal on you; a little notepad of sorts, and write down whenever you have an unsubstantiated thought.   "My co-workers were a little standoffish, and my immediate thought was that they were displeased with me.   Maybe I'm not working hard enough, or maybe I'm working too hard.  Maybe I made a mistake.   All fallacious as I am jumping to conclusions.  Perhaps they were just busy.  There is no conclusive evidence that anything is wrong."   Writing down each faulty thought and analyzing it will help you to focus your thoughts in positive and constructive ways.

This is just one exercise in Cognitve Behavioral Therapy which has many health benefits including, but not limited to, a drastic improvement in depression.   We're simply utilizing it for balance before critiquing someone else's work.

So now, are you ready to examine and critique another person's viewpoint or claim?   Not quite.   Most people skip the last section on self evaluation, and go straight to the next part which are fallacies.   They completely dismiss their own faults, and try to find faults in other people.   So once you have the cognitive distortions nailed down, you need to keep your own fallacies in check, and be able to recognize the fallacious arguments given by others.

This list is very large, and will take quite a bit of time to study.   I would recommend studying one fallacy per day, and finding at least 10 examples of it.   Then do the list 3 times.  This will take couple of months, but that's OK.  It's called self betterment.  I'm not going to go through examples of each fallacy because very few people know about cognitive distortions, but almost everyone knows about fallacies.  Granted, most do not adhere to them, but they know about them.

List of fallacies.

CONGRATULATIONS!!  Now you are ready to critique other people.  You've examined yourself, and gotten familiar with fallacies.   So now all you need is a method of Skepticism.   There are a few different types of critical thinking, and feel free to go it your own way, but I prefer the Scientific Method.  It works for everything including debates, sales pitches, politics, shopping, personal arguments, relationships, and so many more.   So long as you can utilize it correctly.

SCIENTIFIC METHOD

Reiterated; This works with just about everything, especially skepticism.   If anything doesn't pass this sort of scrutiny, than it's not worth adopting.   Let's examine a vacuum cleaner salesman's pitch, shall we?

Frank comes to your door, and offers to shampoo, and clean the carpets in one room completely free of charge.  All he asks is that he can show you the product while he's doing it.  Fair deal right?  You're under no obligation, so you agree, and set a date.   Frank comes back with the Super Sucker 4000 (Thank You Jeff Daniels for the inspiration by making your movie Super Sucker.  I've honestly never seen it, but I'll buy it just because I pilfered the name.), and it's an awesome vacuum, or so Frank says.   Frank gives his spiel, and it's only $2,000 dollars.   Pretty Spendy, and is it worth it?

Well, let's scrutinize.

• Is this vacuum worth $2,000?
• Studying, there are various types of vacuums out there from $60 to $3,000.   The mechanics are pretty much the same on most, and some are made more cheaply than others.   Customer reviews are an immense help.  
• I already have a vacuum that works just fine, and not only do not need to spend money, but I believe that $2,000 for this particular vacuum is a complete rip off after researching.   (You can obviously end here after the hypothesis for this particular example, but for the sake of the example we will continue to the bitter end.)
• You're skeptical, and you relay your concerns to Frank who just brushes them aside.   So you challenge him to a vacuum off with several other different types of vacuums.   May the best vacuum win.  
• Worked like a charm.  Come to find out, this mega super duper vacuum is just a plain old vacuum, and one that cost $250 (Which is fairly expensive for a vacuum) completely decimated Frank's vacuum, and even looks to be built better.)   
• Now we put together all the data for the experiment, and present it to all the participants.  Sorry Frank, you came in 4th.   
• It's all for naught as you already have a great vacuum, but you've decided which one you're buying when that breaks down.   

And there we have it.  Skepticism at work.  You just stopped yourself from getting screwed for $2,000.

There are things to keep in mind while being a skeptic.  The first are compassion and empathy.   Anyone you critique honestly believes their way is the best way, and respecting that will go a long way.  Leaving them unchecked is not respect, but supporting their ignorance.   But you can present your findings in a way that shows respect.   I personally prefer the Feedback Model that most businesses use.

Admire Accomplishments, and give credit where credit is due.  Compliment them on where their presentation is good, and acknowledge the positivism of what they are doing.  Offer your criticism, and lastly your altered presentation.

Yes, I cut a few things out of the feedback model for being a skeptic.  The more respect you have from the person you're critiquing, the more input you will have from them.   An argument on the internet should follow the previous paragraph, but critiquing your nephew on his plan to get involved in a pyramid scheme will have a lot more input, and you can use one of the Feedback Models on their website much more effectively as he will contribute a lot more.

Next up is success.  Success in changing someone's mind when being a skeptic can vary depending on what, who, and why you are critiquing.   If you challenge someone's religion, there will be a very low rate of success.  If you're in a boardroom brainstorming on various business plans, options, and models, you will look like you know exactly what you are doing because you will be, and the success rate will be very high.

Please bare in mind that if you challenge someone's core beliefs, there is a very long learning curve.   What makes perfect sense to you, and even if you present it in an easily understandable format, it may still be completely dismissed.   For example, an indoctrinated religious person most oft times, have spent their entire lives learning and living their belief system.   If you want to challenge that, you need to be patient as it will take a very long time to make that learning curve, and they have to want it themselves.   This can take years.  Also, please don't be a dick.  If you challenge someone's religion, and if they walk away from it, please be supportive when they sink into a deep depression after losing a very important part of their lives.   Remember, compassion, and empathy.

You can also use your skepticism for small things in life like business meetings, dealings with clients, co-workers, customers, and various other things, it will help you tremendously on being fast, efficient, and one hell of a team mate.   People will trust you to get the job done, and done right.   The more you build this reputation, the more you will get the sensitive projects.  If you incorporate compassion and empathy into your system of skepticism, you will also be on quite a few short lists for promotion.

You are a strong person, so please don't let anyone pull the wool over your eyes, and don't let your friends get taken advantage of.   You have the tools available to you, and you can be a wonderful person in employing these various tactics.   You don't have to be a staunch, dismissive jerk to be strong.   That's not really being strong either, it's merely protecting yourself with ignorance.

Instead, be a skeptic.