The Relationship of Love

Love is the most pondered emotion on the planet, and yet we still do not understand it. So many people have differing views on love that it consumes us.

What is Love?

I would like to believe that love is an emotional bond created through service. Love is a singular emotion based on connection between two entities. There is no difference between the love for a lover, child, friend, or pet. The connection is so strong that it transcends a basic universal definition.

Service is the basis for my definition, and thus it has a foundation.

When a child is born they depend on their parents, and serve them in every way that they can think of. Some do it to win approval, others because they are taught to respect their elders, and then some simply adore their parents. Because of this a child loves their parents. When a child grows, and hopefully is lucky enough to get a pet, parents make sure that the child takes care of and serves this pet. The child will get tired of feeding, cleaning, and taking them for walks, but over the years, they will grow to love the pet, and will most likely be the only one that understands what the pet wants when it's playing charades.

Coming into adulthood, the grown child becomes infatuated with another adult for whatever reason, and marriage is the goal. Loving a spouse is very difficult and requires patience and understanding. Life can be so painful, and finding someone to depend on through the rigors of life is one of the greatest blessings a person can get. The dependence is so strong that independence is a thing of the past. Serving that extra special partner can be so difficult at times, one is willing to pull their hair out. Because the opposite is always serving the other, that service creates a bond which can be as unbreakable as the strongest of chains.

Two adults becoming one is one of the most special of all events, and with it comes children. Children bring about a new brand of service. Starting from when they are babies, they are nurtured, cared for, and every bodily function is expertly relieved of by their loving parents. It has been said that the most dangerous place to be is between a mother and a child. This has been the unwritten rule of law since before time began.

Loving a child is no easy task. This is even more difficult than loving a spouse, as a child is completely dependent upon their parents. Slowly and through a series of deliberate manipulations and stern actions, parents will teach their children how to become adults. This is usually done in the same manner that their parents taught them, only it is a combined effort through the parents singular effort.

One of the saddest and happiest times of the parents' life is when their own child becomes an adult! All parents do the best that they can do, and then let their child fly with the wings they grew.

After all the children have gone, parents will cling to each other again for support. Their job is never done, but now their children are doing the best they can at this rigorous test called life. Loving each other and depending on each other through those lasting years, is one of the sweetest most romantic times a couple's life.

What is sexless love?

As stated before their is no difference between love that has sex, and love that does not. A spouse will enjoy the sexuality of their partner, while a child will not. Love created from service is the same bond and strengthened through differences in intentions.

When caring for a nonromantic associate of life such as a child, neighbor or pet, there is a singularity of clarity one can spend on this person. One can talk to a child about everything without the child worrying about what your intentions are. The child is simply hungry for knowledge and acceptance. And they will ask every question about every topic that even a philosopher could not think of.

The pet is of a different sort. The pet is a child that never grows up, and is content to live by your side. No pet has ever been disloyal to a loving caretaker. They will depend on you for love and support throughout their entire lives, and will never betray you. Pets will zone in on you when you are sad, and try to comfort you. They will know when you are happy, and share in your joy. A loving pet is a gift one can never be ungrateful for.

A neighbor can glow in the brightness of your love towards them. One needs not worry to much about a neighbor because for the most part they can take care of themselves. One can help them to feel safe by watching out for them and doing the neighborhood watch. Bringing over a hot meal right after a baby has been born, and just including them when your grill is on fire. If they can smell your steak, they need one.

What is sexual love?

Possibly the greatest of all gifts that we have ever been given is the act of sexuality. This is not dirty or disgusting in any way shape or form. It is quite possibly the most beautiful and emotional forms of interaction!

Love is not sex, but with a partner that one falls in love with, sexuality will play a major role in combining these two people in such a special way. No other two people on the planet will share that same affection. Others will have their own connection with the one they are romantically connected to, but that is theirs!

Love with sexual interaction is still built upon service, just like the love of service between a nonsexual partner. The difference then becomes the romantic addition to the relationship. Romanticism is not sexuality, but more of an acceptance to let someone see you at your most vulnerable. This can be extremely difficult for a person to do, and yet without the help, one literally dies inside, and becomes a hollow shell of a person.

Once their is a romantic connection built between two people, sexuality comes into play. The act of making love can be the most rewarding of all interactions, because it is highly emotional through physical contact. Two married people need to touch each other for romantic reasons. The kiss at the dinner table, holding hands in public, and putting a loving hand on a lovers hand to show support is just a small example of sexually romantic touches lovers can share.

Suggested Dos and Donts of Romantic Sexuality

Sex and Love between two people is a constant act of balance. Finding the balance takes an extraordinary amount of work between two people, and can be very difficult to achieve. Especially if one or both is not prepared for the physical and emotional shock of it all.

After being alone for so long and finding that romantic spark, the urge to be sexually active will overwhelm even the strongest of souls with, unprepared for, feelings. Sexuality and Sensuality are the two opposing forces during a sexual encounter. Of the two parties involved, each carries their own differential between the two, and after a while they will come together in perfect harmony.

The act of sex takes a physical and emotional toll on both parties. The opposite is of course equally true that the act of sex gives an emotional and physical gift that is healthy for the body and soul. Each party will want one more than the other, and will find happiness when learning to enjoy the other aspect of sex. Respecting, supporting, and nurturing what the other party needs will create a healthy and enduring sexual atmosphere.

Suggested Dos of Sexual Activity

Enjoying the sexuality of your partner is healthy and encouraged. Showing the other that one is sexually attracted to the other is a wonderful source of encouragement and love. Even after years of marriage, a man can still tell his wife that she is beautiful, and then take pleasure in the sight of his lovely wife. A woman can equally take pride in her husband's form. The attraction will still be there and showing it is a confidence booster that will promote positive self esteem and a healthy sex life.

Prudence is only needed when the clothes come off or heavy petting is involved. There is never a need to hold back kissing, hugging, eyeballing, cuddling, helping (for instance, using 4 hands to cook in front of stove), tickling, flirting, and most importantly, showing affection through gifts and acts of kindness to each other within the home. These things should not be held back in front of the children. Almost everything children learn, they learn from their parents. Being affectionate towards each other in full view of children will teach them to be healthily affectionate towards their future spouse.

Speaking of sex and children, when is it appropriate to talk to them about sex? A good recommendation is the age of 4 which is 1 year before they begin school. The first discussion is awkward, painful, and 15 minutes will seem like 15 hours. Two parents discussing with one child for the first 3 discussions is preferred.

The next chore is keeping up the discussions once a week for the rest of their childhood. After that, if there are more children in the house, a group discussion is perfectly acceptable. After the first 3 discussions, talking to a child about sex is a breeze, and flows as naturally as talking about fishing. The reason to start at 4 is because at 5 they will learn all about sex as they are introduced into the school system from other children.

The best part about teaching a child on a schedule from an early age, is that the child will know what to expect, what behaviors are inappropriate, and they will never be afraid or embarrassed to go to a parent for help or advice when they are in sexual turmoil. A boy going through puberty, or a girl wanting to impress a boy without anyone to turn to could bring about a mistake that which could cause unbearable pain.

Side Note: These discussions with children and teenagers are more about what life will bring and decisions paired with consequences, rather than sex, although sex will be a major topic. Therefore, it is also the perfect time to talk about drugs, violence, dishonesty, and whatever else a parent thinks is necessary that a person should have knowledge of.

Side Note #2: Suggesting that talking to a child, and on a regular basis is the suggestion. The lessons themselves have been left out because loving parents will know what they want their own children to know and be ready for.

Suggested Donts of Sexual Activity

Teaching children: Pornography (including barbie dolls), first hand experience, and using ones own body as a teaching tool are not good tactics to use. These can destroy a child's mind with sexual discovery years before they are ready. Simple discussion is all that is needed to give a child the knowledge to make healthy choices. Example: You can tell a child a that drugs are very addictive, but it might not be a good idea to give them a shot of heroine to prove your point. To expand on that, I like to use the analogy that for a drug addict; never doing drugs again would be just as hard or harder to do than to never eat chocolate again.

Sexuality between adults can be fraught with peril. It is very easy to insult, demean, and hurt your partner through bad sexual habits. If this happens, it can create a dry spell of no sexual activity which can cause an immense amount of pain and suffering in a marriage.

Here are the two most common mistakes made between married men and women.

Men: Having sex for the only reason of sexual release, or seeming to do so by equating sex as an unimportant or passive activity. Treating a woman like her sexual organs are as useful as a toaster will give her the deprecating self image of a worthless whore!!!

Women: Using sex to get something within a marriage is hurtful and damaging. Holding back if a husband does not give you what you want is the same thing. Using sex as a weapon or a manipulative tactic, will deprive a man of confidence and self worth; and will also make him feel like no matter what he does, nothing is ever good enough.



Sadly, these mistakes are common, but they can be rectified or prevented. A Husband and a Wife are the most precious of all gifts. They are beautiful in their own right and way, and can be seen as such. Both have so much to offer the other, that it is catastrophic when one is taken for granted. If one has been taken for granted, then that time is lost, but the future still remains.

Men: Having a wife is an amazing accomplishment from the very beginning. She does wonders to support, love, and cherish you. She works very hard at it, because sometimes you make her want to pull her hair out. Taking a moment every now and again to realize what a wonderful and beautiful woman that you have is healthy for the both of you. Never be afraid to let her know how grateful you are that she is the one standing by your side.

Women: Having a husband is an amazing accomplishment from the very beginning. He does wonders to make sure you are housed, clothed, fed, and spoiled. He works very hard at it, because sometimes, you make him want to pull his hair out. Do not be afraid to let him be your hero. Your husband cannot save you from terrorists and rapists every day, but when he fixes the dishwasher, he did that for you and your comfort. When he is helpful, praise and support are always needed.

The difference between the mistakes and the suggestion is service. The mistakes are selfish while the suggestions are service oriented. The more one serves the ones they love, the more they will love and be loved in return.

Side Note: While this note is completely about the relationship of love, and service is the foundation of love. One of the most important aspects of love is loving yourself. You are wonderful and beautiful, and you deserve all the happiness that life has to offer.